Church was great Sunday. We had a guest who fireside chatted about the socio-politics of victimhood. He argued that society has become so hypersensitive that certain words can’t be used and people cannot handle being disagreed with without gross repercussions. As a result, certain groups become consistently pacified and never really resolve their concerns because, in their minds, they will always be a victim and therefore entitled to not clean up their messes. Disagreement means hate, situations are exaggerated, and basically people make their grievances a lifestyle. I say no bueno.
When talking with a friend today who gave me the green light to write about this topic, I saw the nexus between her situation and the sermon Sunday. We bantered about a need for resolution to a longstanding issue to which I replied, “I wish I had an answer for you. But if I did, it wouldn’t work because the other party will not cooperate with you.” Essentially, all efforts made by one was blocked by the other due to an inability to introspect. You see, it’s hard to solve a problem when you refuse to entertain the fact that you’re it.
In the aforementioned scenario, the one who feels like the victim has a great need to be pacified, and as a result blocks all efforts to hear the truth. There has yet to be a realization that after a mountain of years, deep conversations, and prayers, the situation has remained the same. Why? Because when things don’t go their way, a false narrative is always created to explain it away. Any story will do except the one that needs to be told titled, “Maybe It’s Me!” There are a lot of such narratives created to dress up bad situations such as being tested, suffering for stepping out on faith, the devil, YOU, THEM, etc. etc. However, I think we all can agree that God does not take pleasure in jacking up our lives just so He can brag about having unwavering soldiers in His army. Like Joseph, Job, and a host of others in the annals of biblical history, at some point we should err on the side of love, peace, and joy. It’s not a sin to be happy and have things work out.
But I digress. The real issue is having a victim mentality will blind us to the fact that we’ve been trying to scale that same wall forever. It can rob us of the crucial fact that precious time has been lost looking outside when had we looked within, well, problem solved. The older I get the more cognizant I become of the value of time to the point where wasting it is not an option. There are just too many people in this world cheating themselves out of a good life because they prefer to live in a house with no mirrors, or as we say in vernacular, “Can’t nobody tell you nothin’!” No one has ever died from gazing into a looking glass, but many have metaphorically expired quite early in life because they didn’t. I generally observe the same traits displayed in situations like that. In addition to an unwillingness to introspect, there’s blaming everyone else, rejecting wise counsel and intervention, not following workable examples, not changing strategies, and a blind need to be right.
So now I’m talking directly to you and I’m in yo’ face. Today…yes, today…stop the blame game for just a moment. Write down a list of everything that frustrates you, keeps falling apart, or is just a plain ol’ thorn in your side. Don’t even think about who did what, but just focus on yourself and how you may have contributed to your own entanglements. It is very scary to admit that you expended all that energy believing God was going to rescue you from the enemy when the whole time the enemy was within. Maybe you should have taken that person’s advice. Maybe it is time to accept what can’t be changed so you must change your attitude. Or maybe it’s just time be more constructive by using your orifice to speak solutions more than you speak problems. That’s the adult thing to do. Hey, I speak from experience so challenge me if you want to. Ha! But seriously, do the grown folk thing and understand that if you always see yourself as a victim you will never become a victor. Let that marinate.