Death By Imitation

“Imitation is suicide,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson in his essay, “Self-Reliance”. Those words moved me the first time I read them and reaffirmed an age-old concept that I hold onto tightly like a mama bear protectively clings to her cub; Nosce Te Ipsum. Translation: Know Yourself. When we don’t know ourselves we become prone to becoming something we are not, and it can result in a need to be like others in order to maintain a sense of self. The result is we experience a sort of death at  our own hands. The weapon? Imitation.

The old adage says knowledge is power, and it is not limited to external  information in business, academics, and philosophy. It also applies to knowledge of the self, which in my estimation is as necessary as oxygen. Without knowing and embracing who we are, we cut off our opportunity to be truly fulfilled because all that we are purposed to be and do is contingent upon sticking to God’s blueprint for our personalities. What if God called us to change the world, and in order to do so we have to be ambitious, assertive, and tenacious, yet forfeit those qualities because we have a need to fit into a false mold that was imposed upon us? Or maybe it is because someone we deeply care about doesn’t fancy that side of our personality? It’s like a boat trying to become car. If a land vehicle is needed, as pretty and fit as that boat looks, it is useless because it is not serving it’s purpose.

There are two sides of the coin to knowing ourselves. The first side is becoming aware of our faults and weaknesses. This is where surrounding ourselves with honest people is crucial. Many of us may be swimming in a sea of self-deceit because our inner circles consist of people who won’t tell us the truth about ourselves for fear of backlash. And even worse, sometimes we won’t even tell our own selves the truth because we want to hold on to the image of who we think we are or want to be, and mistakenly think we arrived when we really didn’t. In order to become the person we ought to be, we have to be aware of where we’re starting and accept what we need to do to get there. In order to facilitate that progress, we must experience a paradigm shift so that we are properly challenged to become our best selves. The teachings of Jesus Christ are challenging, yet produce the type of fruit in us that make us fit for our purpose. It is a radical philosophy that demands the higher self to emerge. Unfortunately, his teachings have been watered down by misrepresentations and falsehoods in the name of religion, but when all of the man-made bells and whistles are stripped away, those teachings work. And they work well. Can you imagine if Jesus refused to be himself? Many of us would be totally different people right now.

In addition to putting ourselves in the company of people and paradigms that encourage insight, we must also be sure to immerse ourselves in the things that nurture all that’s beautiful about ourselves. In our quest to be better, we must recognize that goodness and nurture it like a precious seed so that it can grow and become a strong tree with many branches. God places people in our lives to make sure we don’t ignore what makes us special, and he puts us in challenging situations to turn our coals into diamonds. In order to draw the right people and experiences into our spiritual orbit, we have to accept that those things come to better our true selves. Being out here “frontin’”, trying to be something that we are not, will constantly create situations in our lives that are also fronts, and that equals no progress. Need I say it again?

I want to encourage all of us to do something powerful today. Let’s look in the mirror and tell ourselves (some for the first time and others again), “This is me faults and all, and I will be me for the rest of my life. Love her(him), embrace her(him), KNOW her(him)”. The power that comes from self-acceptance, which leads to being self-affirmed, is amazing. The confidence and humility that comes with believing those words will send a signal to the world, and people will know we believe that without us even saying a word. The world will know a new person was born, ME, and there is nothing they can do about it.

Be Yourself and LIVE!

Let It Go!

Reblogged from Nikkele's Blog:

While reading K.D. Smith's novel, Crystal Stairs, I zeroed in on a particular passage that made me think long and hard about the battles we all face throughout the course of our lives. The main character, Jewel, had endured some traumatic events in her life, and it was not until 28 years later that she was able to face her past and take the path to complete healing.

Read more… 744 more words

Live in the Now

Reblogged from Nikkele's Blog:

The father who wasn't there. The uncle who stole your money. The friend who told your secrets. The mother who always said mean things to you. The boss who makes you work on Sundays. All of these wrongs are fighting for supremacy in your thought life, and they've been fighting for years. It's time to shut them down and forget what happened because if you don't, you'll hinder your opportunity…

Read more… 443 more words

From the vault. An oldie but a goodie!

Nikkele’s Blog February Foodie Contest

Hello Everyone! I hope you all are enjoying your 2013 thus far. January has come and gone and now we are in my least favorite month of the year; February! Why? Because I’m a native New Yorker and February always meant more snow. I’ve long since gone, yet I still associate February with meteorological catastrophe.

With that said, I am going to turn over a new leaf and associate this month with something else; FOOD! In support of my dear friend Latonya’s new business venture, Rooster’s Rub, I am having a contest where three posters can win a pack of Rooster’s Pork and Fowl Rub. I have tried this seasoning and it is delicious. No kidding, folks. Ask any of my longtime friends and they will tell you one of my famous quotes is, “WELL SEASONED!”

To enter the contest, please post a comment sharing what you would cook using Rooster’s Rub. And be creative; don’t leave out the side dishes! Three people who come up with the best dinner menu will win a pack of Rooster’s Rub. And before you ask, yes, I plan to cook what you suggest! Act fast! The contest will close Sunday, February 10.

Please review the information below that details what Rooster’s Rub is all about, and also visit the website at the link below. And one more thing, LIKE it on Facebook!

A versatile seasoning, blended to compliment pork and poultry, but can be used as an all purpose seasoning, as well. This blend is inspired by our favorite foods: Creole, Caribbean, Southern Soul Food, Spanish and Mediterranean cuisines.

Rub a generous amount onto any pork roast or whole chicken, sprinkle onto chops and chicken breasts. Also, try it on eggs, steaks, hamburgers and fish.

ALL NATURAL, NO MSG!

Website: http://www.roostersrub.com/index.html

Like it on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RoostersRub

Happy Seasoning!

*Contest participants understand that their entrance in the contest waives their right to sue Nikkele’s Blog for any mishaps, misuse, misunderstandings, and all other mis’s due to this contest. Pray before you season. Amen.

**Contest winners will be notified in a blog post and contacted privately for shipping information.

***Rooster’s Pork and Fowl Rub has been donated by the maker’s of Rooster’s Rub and will be shipped by the blog owner.

The Case for Discipline

“2013 is a year of action. As we say back home, we can’t just talk about it; we must be about it!” I said these words during student orientation because I wanted students to realize that in order to reach their goals, they have to put wheels to their dreams. Those dreams are realized when they wake up and set things in motion. A dear friend co-signed that sentiment when she discussed how having a set of goals without a plan of action is just a pipe dream. It is not enough to just talk about what we wish to do; our purpose in life is fulfilled when we go beyond desire and enter into the realm of discipline.

In order for me to get to the point where I am now, as well as to where I see myself in the next couple of years, I had to live a life that required quite a bit of tunnel vision and long seasons of focus. Below I listed specific ways I had to order my life to see God’s will for me come to pass, as well as what I need to continue to do in order to get to that infamous “next level”:

1. Identify  Goals-It is important to clearly identify what it is  you are supposed to do. Having unclear goals will not allow you to begin the journey. You may not see the whole picture at once, but act on what you do know. I did not know that one stop of my path would be to become a professor, but I did identify my strengths and thought of different areas where those strengths could be applied.

2. Map a Route-Once you identify your goals, you then have to take the time to find out what it takes to get there. If you are unsure, you must do your research. You may interview people who have done what you are trying to do, go to the library, or surf the internet for good sources.  There is plenty of information available to educate yourself on what your next steps should be. I was fortunate enough to complete my education at the University of Memphis where I received a lot of support and direction from seasoned professors. They were able to build upon what my professors from my former college have imparted into me as I continued to educate myself.

3. Count the Cost-Every pursuit will require something from you, so you must make sure you are ready to do whatever it takes in order to reach your goals. It is not the time to take shortcuts or disengage from the process in hopes that God will miraculously manifest what you desire. In the beginning I did not fully realize how much education I would need, and the different things I had to do, as I left behind a comfortable life to pursue the path I am on. However, I realized that I had to make temporary sacrifices for permanent gain.

4. Stay Focused-There are many distractions along the path to fulfilling your life’s purpose. You have to identify what takes you away from being disciplined so that you can make the necessary adjustments. When you are in hot pursuit of fulfilling your purpose, you cannot do what you used to do or as often you’d like. I shared with my students that in the early stages of my pursuit to be where I am now, one thing in my life that had to go was my social life. I did not spend a lot of time on the phone and could not go out as much.  I had to make major adjustments knowing that my labor would not be in vain. I took the advice of my former pastor to heart that it was better to learn through the pain of discipline than through the pain of regret. From that I realized it was better to do the hard work of getting it right than having to start all over again due to not doing what I was supposed to the first time.

5. Stay Spiritually Grounded-Spiritual readiness is absolutely important. In order to undertake the huge task of going after what you want, you must be in the right frame of mind and operate with the proper principles. This means you may have to spend more time in the Word and prayer in order to stay fit for the battle. When you are spiritually centered, you will be able to handle the ups and downs that come with living a lifestyle of discipline. There may be times you want to quit, times when people don’t understand you or your pursuits,  and you may lose some battles in an effort to win the war. When your spirit is grounded, you will not be deterred. I had to stay in prayer so that the Lord would continually reaffirm my path, as well as give me insight of what was to come. I had to walk by faith and not by sight because things did not always look like they were going in the right direction.

6. Know What’s Required-Everyone is not going after the same thing. What may be required of you may not be required of another. What it takes you to become a scholar will not be the same for a person who is trying to open a business. You must focus on what it takes to get you where you  need to go and not feel as though you are off course or doing too much because other people are not on the same path. I remember right after graduate school someone who was well established asked me what I did for a living. I told her I taught for a lot of colleges (4 at the time!) and was hoping for a full-time position. She said, “Oh, you are just paying your dues.” As I matured in my career path, I realized that many people in my field had to do the same thing before landing a full-time or tenure track position. However, from the outside looking in, it looked like I picked the wrong field and that I had failed. Had I given up, I would have missed my blessing.

7. Flock with Birds of a Feather-This applies to all areas of life, but it is especially important when you are on a mission. You must surround yourself with people who will add to you and not take away. You must keep people in your life who see your pursuits as a part of your life and not simply just a phase. Keep negativity and naysayers at arm’s length, because one of the worst things you can do is have people in your life who speak against what you’re trying to do either because they don’t understand, or because they are imposing their fears upon you. I met, counseled, and prayed for a lot of people who had seeds of promise that fell to the ground and never took root because they did not guard their personal environment. Also, beyond having a group of supportive people you must be sure to stay connected to those who are also doing what you are trying to do so that you can continually stay sharp, grow, and have that support system based on common knowledge. It is a good feeling when there is a kindred spirit in your life who is able to support and advise you based on experience and common characteristics. Those people will be extremely supportive of your path and respect your times of intense focus.

In 2013, make it a year where you go for it. Don’t do it because it is 2013 and you need a resolution. And don’t do it because you need a slogan to latch on to (It’s fixed in 96! Going to heaven in 97! Be great in 98! God will redeem the time in 99!), but do it because you owe it to yourself–and to God–to embark on the journey to becoming your best self; today. (Ha! I sound like Oprah Winfrey. Yay me!)

Stay focused and be disciplined!

“Jesus, You’re Fired!”

No, not really. But it seems that in the hearts of many people who practice Christianity today, Jesus is no longer needed. Why? Because after salvation people become perfect and no longer need a savior. And if that famous preacher John Wesley were alive today, he would be proud to know that there are still people out here who believe in instant sanctification. That, my friend, would put Jesus right out of a job! 

I’ve been in the Lord for 21 years and I would say that at this point in my life I am the most authentic I’ve ever been. It is not because I have matured in faith and the Word (which I have), and it is not because I am overzealous about keeping it real (but I am), but because I realized that a walk with Christ is a process and that every day there will be a battle to make the right decisions. I also clung to the advice of my father who told me, “The more you know, the more you find you don’t know.”  In short, you never know it all, you never have it all together, and you will never always get it right. Never. But for some reason many of us believe that we do have it all together and that somehow we rank higher than other Christians because they have visible “sins” and we do not. And those sins, by the way, aren’t always biblical but rather what someone declared as unsuitable for a Christian (makeup, pants, jewelry, stockings with seams, and tolerance).

And speaking of tolerance, this topic made me wonder why people who are not Christian are more tolerant of other faiths and seem to detest Christianity. I do not say it is always because we are a peculiar people and are suffering persecution. It is sometimes due to people who are not part of the faith having a fear of being judged, rejected, hit over the head with a Bible, or not connecting with Christians real enough to identify with people with struggles. The perception that we are not supposed to ever make a mistake again after salvation is very pervasive in the church, and this causes people on the outside to feel we do not have  a functional faith but rather it is more of a race to false piety. Due to the pressure of perfection and a fear of being called a hypocrite–a term that is overused and often said out of context–I have seen many Christians pretend to have it all together in order to keep up appearances so that those in their own little group won’t accuse them of being “one of those carnal Christians.”

At one time I thought perfection on earth was attainable because I belonged to a denomination that took pride in what they did and didn’t do, and not necessarily in who they were. I saw people look the part and were in church almost every day, but their hearts were not clean. They didn’t help people in need, were jockeying for positions, puffed up in pride, and slandered people in the name of  the Lord. But that was okay because those aren’t one of those special, visible sins that would make it obvious if we weren’t a Christian. Imagine that? Ranking disobedience as if it all weren’t the same. And in doing so we chase people away who feel they cannot measure up to our level of homemade, God-absent holiness.

In this economy we all need our jobs, and I hope that the church finds it in its heart to give Jesus his job back so that he can get back to drawing us with lovingkindness and chastening us when we’re wrong because he loves us, not because he is trying to put us down and  make us feel we are not good enough. Let us give him his old “office” back so that he can decorate it with his righteousness, because ours is not good enough. Matter of fact, the Bible says it’s like a filthy rag! Ick! Clean up on Aisle 6! And as for me in particular, Jesus is very employed in my life. He has tenure, a corner office, and I made sure he had all of his supplies, including some ink pens and Post-It notes so that he can write his law on my heart over and over again. I’m forgetful, you know.

“Jesus, You’re HIRED!” 

Galatians 5:15 (NLT)-But if instead of showing love among yourselves you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.

Mark 12:31 (NIV)-The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

I John 2:9 (NIV)-Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness.

*Photo Credit-www.memegenerator.net

The Power of Sisterhood

Women are strange and beautiful creatures. We have a unique way about ourselves, are deeply feeling, nurturers, dreamers, and all of the other good things that God has intended for us to be. I admire the strength and resilience we have as we tread through life’s ups and downs with enough left to help others do the same. When I look over my life and take inventory of all that God has given  me, I can say my good sister friends–blood and water–are a true gift that I am excited to open every day.

I understand more now than ever the power and beauty of having good sister friends by my side. And don’t get me wrong; I have wonderful guy friends as well, but I must pay homage to the other species because we tend to give each other such a hard time. I want to pay an honest tribute to our ability to foster quality relationships with each other, relationships that are unfortunately often portrayed as ones we cannot have or develop. It has to be said long and loud that women can get along, and the reason some may not is not due to this myth that women can’t be friends. I have often found it is due to old baggage, insecurity, jealousy, and an inability to trust…anyone.

I do not know what it is like to not have good friends. I don’t understand what it means for someone to not have my back, and it is a strange happening when the people I spend my time with most are unsupportive. My theory is if you want good friends you must be one. I did not say be perfect, but be a friend. And that means being a good listener and not making the friendship always about you while the other person’s affairs are an afterthought. It requires you to be honest enough to say how you feel without fear because there is enough love and trust in the friendship to get past disagreements. It means believing the other person has your best interest at heart no matter what, so don’t treat her like your enemy. And it absolutely means sharing in each other’s joys and not trampling on the other’s heart when she feels like the sun is hiding its face from her for a season. Understand her when she doesn’t even understand herself, because those personal winters are rough. Be a real friend.

I fortunately not only have sister friends, but I have blood sisters as well. We have some likenesses, but we each have our unique ways. I love the things we have in common, the things that make us go forward in life in spite of. I love our common trait of frankness, mental toughness, and tenacity–all ingredients mixed and marinated in that beautifully rude state we call New York. Then there are my “water” sisters who are my sisters from another Mister, while there are others who just transcend all definitions because we are almost like one person (Get at me, Gorgeous!). And let me not forget the faithful sister-friend-cousins who defy any and all articulation of what it means to just be gosh darn GOOD! I’m blessed.

Ladies, make today your unofficial Sister Day. “Large up” your girl friends and tell them they are beautiful, smart, lovely, and loved. Tell them they don’t need to be in the amen corner to be your friend; just be in your corner! Let them know when you break bread together at your favorite Haitian restaurant, sit in the sun in Barbados, jam in Jamaica, or feel like such the Glamazon and sip on sweet tea from a Mason jar while watching the sun go down over the bluffs, that you appreciate the ability to call her your sister. I will.

 

Love you all!!

Your sister-friend-cousin,

Nikkele, Nik, Nikki, Squirrel, NikNak (or Baby N, or Nik Nak Paddywack), and Shelton (Coooooley!)

*Photo credits-Charles Bibbs

Thank You, Grandma.

During this time of year, we are all encouraged to be grateful for what we have. Thoughtful reflection of all God has done for us is the norm when Thanksgiving comes around. Although we are to be grateful on a daily basis, there is  nothing wrong with creating a special occasion where all of our countrymen give thanks in unison. I thank God for all that I have, but I also thank him for who I am. And part of who I am I owe to my grandmother who transitioned from this life ten years ago.

When I think about my life and what I have on the inside of me, I am often inspired by what my grandmother has taught me, directly and indirectly. A housewife and mother of seven, she devoted her life to serve others. She gave selflessly and rarely asked for anything in return. She was not a pushover and would ride you into the sunset if you stepped out of line, but  was quick to forgive. Through our many talks on sunny and rainy days, my grandmother would tell me stories about the things she had a passion for. She loved to sew, pick fruit, and dance her cares away. She told fond stories of her mother and how she loved to help people, even at the expense of her own health. What a saint.

My grandmother’s favorite sayings taught me life’s basics, such as “The early bird catches the worm” (Be proactive), “You’re always trying to cash in” (Get your own stuff), “You look like who done it” (Fix yourself up), and “You got more joke than a barrel of monkeys” (Be serious). And not only am I thankful for what she said, I am thankful for what she did, such as teach me how to cook, wash my clothes, fix my hair, and dress to impress. My grandmother is also responsible for my ever growing collection of shoes and sunglasses. Yes, Granny was fly.

Most importantly, I want to thank my grandmother for LIFE. Not life biologically, but life as a lived experience. After her death I learned all of the hopes and dreams she had, and I asked the Lord to bless me to fulfill what she could not. I asked him to give me a tenacity about life that would never allow me to give up. I realize the value of being my own person and not giving in to other people’s version of who I should be. My grandmother taught me to fearlessly go after what I want because I only live once. I am making good on my promise to Grandma to live my life on my own terms so that when I close my eyes for the last time, I will have no regrets.

I don’t remember my grandmother’s last words to me, but I do remember the last words she wrote me. It was my sophomore year of college and she wrote, “Study hard. I’m praying for you. Love, Grandma.” I want her to know that I made good on that prayer, and one day I believe I will not only be able to tell her that, but also say, “Thank you.” So take a cue from this post today and tell someone special “Thank you”…today.

I love you, Alfleet Pender McNeill (1932-2002)

Your grandaughter,

Nikki

Professor, Writer, Mentor, and Future Screen Writer, Pulitzer Prize and Oscar Winner

Let It Go-Part Two

Good evening All! I was asked to write a part two to my previous post, Let It Go. However, I think Bishop Noel Jones says it better. Please see the video below and be blessed. Note there is a second part to the video, which is available on YouTube.

*Video originally uploaded by DEFMI 1985 on YouTube

Be blessed!

Let It Go!

While reading K.D. Smith’s novel, Crystal Stairs, I zeroed in on a particular passage that made me think long and hard about the battles we all face throughout the course of our lives. The main character, Jewel, had endured some traumatic events in her life, and it was not until 28 years later that she was able to face her past and take the path to complete healing. All the while Jewel was reaching out to God, her friends, and even the therapist, but despite all of the help, she was still holding on due to a lack of closure. She was unable to come to terms with the many facets of her problem because there were too many players in the movie of her life who thought it best to remain quiet on the set.

When I read the words “28 years” when the author described Jewel’s dilemma, you could say I almost gasped for breath. Dealing with pain for that long is unfortunately not far-fetched, and for that moment I felt the crushing weight of having to endure something for so long. There are many of us who have dealt with issues since childhood, and those issues have shaped who we are today. At times those things form in us a resilience, tenacity, and zeal for life because we know what it’s like to suffer from a lack of those things. Other times those same issues cause us to operate in a manner that causes us to push away people who love us, not trust anyone no matter their good intentions, and resort to ill-mannered behavior  to diminish the value of others in an effort to regain the power we lost in the fire of our victimhood. We have all been damaged in some form or another, but what we do about that damage is where the real introspection begins.

In order for Jewel to put the muscles and sinews on her nearly three decades old skeleton, she had to face some demons from within and without. While she was indeed the victim, Jewel had to accept some things that in real life we all may have to accept, such as if we never get any closure we have to decide to be alright. If no one realizes the depth of our pain, the fact that God does has to be good enough. And one of the greatest examples of throwing salt on a wound is when people don’t apologize to us or acknowledge the pain they’ve caused us because they refuse to admit they did anything wrong.

Another facet the reader sees in Jewel’s situation is that her perspective on a lot of things and people involved in her issue was not what she thought it was. Often when we have been hurt, we create scenarios that may not exist. Due to lack of information and little or no clarity, we believe those thoughts to be as close to the truth as we can get. I’m sure we all have had a heart to heart with someone only to find that person was not thinking and feeling what we thought. And if we want to continue to play the victim, we may not believe the person’s testimony at all because we have convinced ourselves things were otherwise.

In our path to healing, we have to let go of some things. Not only do we have to let go of our true emotions, we also have to let go of the false ones as well. We have to let go of the myths about people we have conjured in our minds because we had no means to inform us of what was really going on. We have to let go of the unforgiveness, mistrust,and bitterness because we only hold ourselves prisoner. It is unimaginable how many people go to the grave with decades old gripes when the person at the other end of it went to sleep at night and forgot all about it. It is alarming how we paralyze ourselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually because of situations we cannot do anything about. And that’s what we need to realize; that we can’t do anything about it, but we can do something about ourselves.

There are many steps we can take on the path to healing, and I dare not say it is overnight. But what I want to convey in this post is that no matter how long or how short the journey to wholeness is, the first step in the process is to come to one very solid resolve, and that clearly is to LET IT GO!

Be blessed, be whole, be free…

*To purchase a copy of Crystal Stairs by K.D. Smith, please go to the following link:

http://rolwim.wordpress.com/2012/08/07/1774/

*Photo credit- tsjphotography.com